I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
