Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
