honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
