I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
