This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
