Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
is wine microwaveable?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
