Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
