So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
