i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
