made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
