Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
