it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
