Tell her she can't have a vagina
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
