I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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