What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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