I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
