How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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