No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
