Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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