all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
