Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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