So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
