I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
