Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
