yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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