Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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