You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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