I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
