So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
