I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
