hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
