I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
