Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
