So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
