Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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