Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize