fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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