So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
