when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
