so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize