I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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