If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
