He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
