Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
