You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
