thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
