There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
