i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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