We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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