That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
