I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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