I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
