We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize