I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
FUCK WHALES
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
