So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize