Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
