he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
