it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
