why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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