I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
