we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can Purell be used as lube?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
