i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
