I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
