i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
