He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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