And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish my penis had a tongue
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
