He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
