what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
