So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
