you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
