2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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