her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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