I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
