You're my little dorito
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize