He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
