Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
