In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
