Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
