The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
