I didn't shave. On purpose
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
